I live...again

Incubus828 · Thu Dec 14, 2017 12:05 pm

Heya

For some strange reason I feel like I never left, however I can tell that there were a few changes in my...absence. Pretty positive from what I can see!

My laptop finally updated something that didn't make steam crash every time I tried to open it. I figured now that I can access my actual game library it would be worth the time to come back and see how everyone was doing.

So...Hows it goin guys and gals?

Flamingtwig · Thu Dec 14, 2017 4:55 pm

Don wont share the rum.... so nothing new.

Bert! · Thu Dec 14, 2017 8:33 pm

Well, lost my job today (bummer), but more time to game I guess.
And its almost Christmas! (yay!). Other then the new Discord stuff, same old things here.

Lancaster · Fri Dec 15, 2017 11:26 am

Sorry to hear that. I'm still looking for a job myself. No one wants to hire a convict. I just got out of jail not too long ago. Wish you the best in job searching. Hoping to get a janitorial or custodian job at any grocer.

Milfeulle · Fri Dec 15, 2017 3:45 pm

Hello Incubus, I'm glad to see you're still alive!

I'm doing okay I guess.. :3
I am curious though, where did you go to all this time?
I realize you haven't been on Steam since it didn't play any games for you, but that doesn't really explain your absence elsewhere, like on the forums.

Lancaster · Fri Dec 15, 2017 4:22 pm

I may not know this guy, but whatever the case, I'm pretty sure as long as he's on here it doesn't matter too much right? I'm only asking because I'm not sure how important activity really is.

I mean, as long as the guys back it doesn't really matter that much right?

Dr Lag · Fri Dec 15, 2017 4:57 pm

Yo incubus how's MM

Psiclaw · Fri Dec 15, 2017 6:08 pm

Oh wow! Incubus, it's been forever! Good to see you online again!

Psiclaw · Fri Dec 15, 2017 6:08 pm

Oh wow! Incubus, it's been forever! Good to see you online again!

Milfeulle · Fri Dec 15, 2017 7:57 pm

Lancaster wrote:I may not know this guy, but whatever the case, I'm pretty sure as long as he's on here it doesn't matter too much right? I'm only asking because I'm not sure how important activity really is.

I mean, as long as the guys back it doesn't really matter that much right?

It depends on various factors and what roles you hold in the community Lancaster. But generally speaking, we are a weekly activity based clan, and people who aren't active in a visible way that interacts with other clan members for over a month are considered fairly inactive to our standards.

Incubus828 · Sat Dec 16, 2017 12:01 am

Dr Lag wrote:Yo incubus how's MM

Matchmaking? I'll be honest the first time I played csgo in months was yesterday and I just played Deathmatch lul.

Psiclaw wrote:Oh wow! Incubus, it's been forever! Good to see you online again!

Nice to see you too man, good to see your'e still kicking

Milfeulle wrote:I realize you haven't been on Steam since it didn't play any games for you, but that doesn't really explain your absence elsewhere, like on the forums.

First, glad to hear your doing ok

Second, I will admit that I could have probably tried harder to get on the forums and be around in that aspect. I think what happened (If i am remembering correctly) is that right around that time I kind of fell into a type of...seasonal depression? Seems to happen once or twice a year for me where I just bury myself in work and seclude myself away from everybody. I admit it sounds a little silly putting in words for someone else to read... I would still think about you guys and think about how things were going; but the longer I was gone the harder it was for me to come back for some reason. I apologize that i did not come back earlier, I know that I let some people down. I wish I had a way to make it up to everybody, but I just hope everyone can understand. I also hope to be around on the forums a little more.

This was a much longer responds then I first thought it would be haha

Incubus828 · Sat Dec 16, 2017 12:02 am

Ah I messed up the quote command someone please fix that since I can no longer xD

Dr Lag · Sat Dec 16, 2017 5:05 am

Lol I meant Malamutant

but thanks for the cool story xD

Incubus828 wrote:
Dr Lag wrote:Yo incubus how's MM
Matchmaking? I'll be honest the first time I played csgo in months was yesterday and I just played Deathmatch lul.

Milfeulle · Sat Dec 16, 2017 7:49 am

I fixed the quotes for you both.

@Incubus828: Thank you so much for explaining the situation to me. You are not required to do so by any means, but I greatly respect your choice to do so, and your choice to be open with us about it. I think many people have what you have described as seasonal depression occasionally, and different people react to it differently. In my case, in particular, my response is the opposite with delving into the forums more strongly when I get a seasonal depression going on, but I realize others might do the opposite, and I guarantee you that you are not the first in the community to do so,
however you are among the few that came up openly about it and actually made an effort to return and explain yourself about it, and for this reason, among others, I respect you greatly Incubus!

I'm looking forward to seeing you online more often both on Steam, TS/Discord (Yes we now have an official Discord server!) and on the forums as well!

Please don't hesitate to message me if you have any questions, suggestions or concerns, I would be glad to assist or answer anything! ^_^

Incubus828 · Mon Dec 18, 2017 1:33 am

Thanks Milfeulle I really appreciate that

Hopefully I can get my main desktop back up and running soon-ish so that I can get back to playing with you guys. I find that while I enjoy console gaming some of the games just aren't as good as when i played pc every day.

Flamingtwig · Mon Dec 18, 2017 1:19 pm

to be honest i sometimes play overwatch (used to play destiny but yeah...) on the Xbox but i cant keep up with people or these games anymore. i miss BF2 and CoD4

Incubus828 · Mon Dec 18, 2017 11:41 pm

Twig I play Destiny 2 still on xbox if you are interested in that haha. I have also gotten pubg, forza 7, fortnite, and Battlefront 2.

I have tried CSGO on this laptop but I have to bring the graphics for the game down REAL low to come close to a usable fps. The processor on this thing just can't handle it.

Flamingtwig · Tue Dec 19, 2017 4:14 pm

Incubus828 wrote:Twig I play Destiny 2.

i feel so sorry for you

i got destiny 1 in Beta and i really enjoyed playing for fun so no minmaxing here. i had one warlock and that was it. did all the raids with randoms i found on LFG sites and despite the issues and downfalls the game had it was really fun but rise of iron sort of killed it for me as i felt it didnt expand the game all too much. raid was meh, story was short as hell and i felt a bit cheated and forced to just get back to grinding.

as for Destiny 2, no character port + micro transactions + grinding = turbo meh.

To be honest i have been playing ark with my partner here and there but thats about it. i work too much and sleep the rest.

Flamingtwig · Tue Dec 19, 2017 4:15 pm

Incubus828 wrote:Twig I play Destiny 2.

i feel so sorry for you

i got destiny 1 in Beta and i really enjoyed playing for fun so no minmaxing here. i had one warlock and that was it. did all the raids with randoms i found on LFG sites and despite the issues and downfalls the game had it was really fun but rise of iron sort of killed it for me as i felt it didnt expand the game all too much. raid was meh, story was short as hell and i felt a bit cheated and forced to just get back to grinding.

as for Destiny 2, no character port + micro transactions + grinding = turbo meh.

To be honest i have been playing ark with my partner here and there but thats about it. i work too much and sleep the rest.

={101st}=shiNe! · Thu Jan 11, 2018 8:39 pm

Incubus828 wrote: First, glad to hear your doing ok Second, I will admit that I could have probably tried harder to get on the forums and be around in that aspect. I think what happened (If i am remembering correctly) is that right around that time I kind of fell into a type of...seasonal depression? Seems to happen once or twice a year for me where I just bury myself in work and seclude myself away from everybody. I admit it sounds a little silly putting in words for someone else to read... I would still think about you guys and think about how things were going; but the longer I was gone the harder it was for me to come back for some reason. I apologize that i did not come back earlier, I know that I let some people down. I wish I had a way to make it up to everybody, but I just hope everyone can understand. I also hope to be around on the forums a little more.

I have my run in's with 'seasonal depression' as well. I've never given it a potential clinical name however, because I do not want to feed it any power over my life. It isn't something that I personally fall into anymore, unless I get lazy. Winter's up North here in Minnesota tend to last a long time, and often include weeks without seeing the sun. The lack of vitamin D through this period of the year gets to me. Especially as a kid who grew up in the South and was used to seeing the sun year-round.

Any who, I just wanted you to know Incubus that you are alone in this, and I've seen the face of 'seasonal depression' hit me as well. Over time, I've learned how to keep myself healthy and on the upside. I'm not sure if while you were away if you were feeling icky, or if the opposite occurred and you were actually doing alright. Either way, I hope the best for you, and that you learn to stay positive during those harder months in the year.

Cheers Incubus!

Lancaster · Fri Jan 12, 2018 1:41 am

Those are some really inspiring words there! It's funny for me personally when it comes to depression. For about 7 years, I was in jail. I did multiple accounts of petty larceny. I honestly did it to myself and can't blame much of it. I was taken to Oklahoma City county jail and at first it wasn't bad. I mean there wasn't really much to do. Though as the months went by I felt like I was out of touch with reality. And I'm pretty sure most people in prisons feel that way. I can only guess it was my second year there that I got into a fight with someone I shouldn't have. Got my ass kicked and got beaten pretty badly. I was in confinement for a month and that's when I started to get really depressed. I couldn't see anything. Can only hear screams sometimes from people wanting to get out. It really made me depressed as hell. But I knew I wouldn't be in there for too long. Once I got out of confinement I pretty much just kept to myself for the rest of the years. The only difficult thing now is actually trying to get a job. It's been pretty slow and I think I've mentioned on here before that nobody really wants to hire a felon. I think worst of all is not knowing what the hell happened. When you're in there for so many years you have no idea what's going on in the world. It's really hard grasp what you missed. My girlfriend used to visit me in the first few years. But I told her that she could go find someone else. Because I had too many years on me she had a full life to live. It was really burdening her. And I would always get in trouble for my own sake. To this day I still have no idea why I did. When I came out of prison, I didn't know whether I felt really free because I wasn't sure how I was going to set my life back in order. My cousin came to pick me up that day too and told me about all the stuff I've missed. I was silent most of the time. I guess the only thing that made me feel better about it was just finally seeing everything that's changed. And also just nice roam around. My cousin was just telling me about certain events that happened over the years. I I just mostly listened to him talk about anything. It's just nice to havea general conversation whether good or bad. I still don't know what to think of any of it. I know I've got a lot of things I've got to do still, but I know I'll be fine. It's weird though. I don't know if it's just me that goes this sort of thing, but after I left prison, I felt like reminiscing about the past myself more than ever. That alone actually made me feel happier than depressed. Depression can really suck, but it's what you make of it that counts.

Milfeulle · Fri Jan 12, 2018 3:42 pm

@Lancaster: I wish you good luck on your new path, and hope that you will find your niche and an occupation that fits you as a basis to rebuild your life around. From what you wrote I think you've got the right idea now because positive thinking is a major portion of making the right choices in life and living well.